Saturday, May 3, 2014

Hemispheric Thinking

I believe our mind is in a constant battle between 'the pragmatist' and 'the existentialist' both whom are trying to take charge, but, never gets a chance to entirely lead the psyche.  Yet, depending on the individual, some let one side of the battle win more than the others.  What you look at more often may dictate which is winning for you. The gestalt aesthetics is for the existentialist, and the atomistic biases is for the pragmatist. 



Looking at the body, not their eyes and mind; gestalt aesthetics -

"She speaks; sounds of splendid solstice.
Her status; spoils safely seeking solitary sorrows.
She's a sexy solid of spontaneous serenity."

Shallow shades of sinister sharing of self...
Selfishly satisfying superficial states of mind.

Looking at the first few sentiments, not their system of thoughts; atomistic biases -

"He heard heralds heeding hierarchic hypocrisies.
His heart harbors holed hostilities; hasty hindering.
He's content having higher headlines of helpfulness."

Hideous highlighting hardens hierarchies...
Hold holistic heavenly hobbies of desires.

We Paint Reality With Perception, Use More Color.

From the womb to the tomb we progress
on our quest to paint on the walls of our fortress.
With the colors of perception we make defense
while we manage our supplies with residence.
These carefully covered walls become pretense
for an everlasting battle to defend our importance.
"Fortune favors those who are cautious"
is what we tell ourselves to be flawless.
Gorgeous half-truths and lies is thoughtless
when we compare to the formless forest within us...
 Let one's corpus be the focus of our painted fortress
mimicking the art from the formless chorus is heartless.

Drop the brush that is your mind and flow to the spirit that is your canvas.

We tend to double the paintings witnessed on the walls in the halls' of those who care for us. Our allies become our fair eyes and guide us in the theory needed to clearly find our illusions and lies. Going and going we do not stop to realize we are cataloging our own demise... Eclectic aptitudes make way to cherry pick the finer designs of most peoples' mind. If we find the time to rationalize we may just claim what we want - "this could use some color lime." Try new colors, experiment with methods, figure what works best for this never ending quest to paint on walls of the fortress for defense with the pretense there will be dissonant offense.  We paint reality with perception it does not have be to fend off opposition. Use your art to attract fellows while letting others say their hellos. Embrace the love that comes with not knowing so that you can find what is worth not flowing towards while you continue to paint on the walls in the halls of your fortress. 

Your art is your brain, the brush is your mind, and the spirit is your canvas.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Was just gonna free write... and then it came out as a criticism of religious practice...

Laptop sitting on a bunch of books
Should open and take a look...

Shattered streams of literal images organized in lyrical chaos. Zen men long dead living no lighter. A pop-psychologist presses on the issue of the spirit laugh. Th ph on ee ne tonic thought after tutoring T's and toddlers all today. A book about different life hacks, number one hack life.

Fucking poem isn't longest to post
Will not work too hard to end this line with the word toast
I need to say writing is my calling with no protest
Not nearly as worried about listening


To do or not to do, being isn't a choice we have but make it anyways... Clergyman these nuts because somebody standing Sundays, whilst I knee willingly? Well well with great guarded angst... I say to you computer screen "Clergy these nuts." There be a God he cares here nor there the time nor hour place and day... Plenty of people believe in Jesus but would never live his life style... Stereotyping the significant Saharan grizzly brown savior puts him in a place where privilege don't mean much to most. That feminist son-of-a-bitch definitely wouldn't want a country built after him.. Let alone a religion... That's the clergyman. Being good and doing good is done by doing and being. We have no choice to do or not to do, but we have a choice to try to make it the good choice. Does that make it right? Well that's this newly nasty notion that requires naming and nagging at the fact we are all neanderthals and nature's neutral. Nothing is something once you got something to say about it. Maybe it's not the right choice, but is it a good one? Would the God you have faith in, send you to hell for not believing we are the most special animals on this animated orbiting ecosystem? We couldn't breathe the air when dinosaurs roamed the earth, our ancestors were the rats.. We are still rats but now we can massively produce and sell rat robots that run around on a wheel.. their called humans. A human telling another human what's good or bad is what a human ought to do.. Hey hypocrite get those hippies hopping on out of here we have serious human business to do.  That phrase is so impartial to the imperfections of imbeciles ... hypocrites... talking about the love of God but how some don't deserve it... I am a hypocrite... you should eat healthy and diet, work out and be active, practice your hobbies and make time for your friends, and if you know, see, think, feel or find out I don't do so... does that make them not the things to do? It's what's right, it's good. Clergyman no more... take turns, stand up, preaching and teaching and sharing wisdom.. that's the real reason we rush to religion... reign in on others in their obnoxiously organized observations... Open up the hearts of herdsmen and the arms of armies.. Philosophize poetry to the point of peeking into the purest perspective.. To do or not to do, being isn't a choice we have but make it anyways... it involves others wanting to be led while they lead.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Diabolic Smart-Ass: The Enlightening Journey

I wrote the following sophomore year in college and revised (slightly) before posting:

By the time I became twelve, I became a “novice” in philosophy, an “old soul” towards life, a cynical critic towards my perceived reality. My change (or transformation) was not on my birthday, nor was it due to a gingerly lesson. It was neither due to a family member nor an inspiring educator. It wasn’t related to school, nor was it fun and at the time it did not appear like a beneficial event immediately, more of an unlikely event which I never thought could/would of happened. Interesting how the light bulb turns on when you least expect it, or want it to.
As a child we do not think about death, in fact due to the lack of consideration towards death, we have an ignorant sense of mortality. We perform actions without thinking about dying unless we know from prior experience (parents, consequences etc) that this event is dangerous. I recall an episode of “Malcolm in the Middle” and the oldest son, Rees, is hanging from a tree. Their father asked Rees “What is wrong with you? Don’t you know you could have died?” Rees with a straight face answers “I’m sixteen, I can’t die.” Whether you would like to think so or not, as a child, since we are not questioned on death, this is the reality we believe we lived in… Blissful ignorance if you will, until you are face to face with the reaper.
One winter afternoon (either 2000 or 2001) a close friend of mine, as well as next door neighbor, Brian and I were “playing” outside. I say play because that is what we thought we were doing, but really, we were being little devils. Building igloo forts to hide in, throwing snow balls at cars (open windows were double points), piling snow onto parked cars, un-shoveling people’s sidewalks who were mean to us, and (but not limited to) playing “war” with friends, neighborhood kids, and acquaintances. However on this particular day it was just us two. We both had asked our parents to take a (sick) day off of school to hang out and play all day.
We played what I believe was “spy vs. spy” and being hit with a snow ball would make you lose a piece of intelligence. As I turned to reload my ammunition I turn to not see my friend, I believed he was trying to hide or flank my position. But then as I looked around I saw him running across the street, but he does not make it across... As kids we (my group of friends) learned to look both ways because we were on a busy street, but we came to learn cars also stopped for kids on a whim. Except, this day, facts were turned into theory and reality didn’t seem too real.
“Brian?” I softly spoke as I turn to see a pick up truck had hit and threw my friend a yard and a half away from the front of the bumper. A drunk driver has hit my friend, I knew he was drunk because he was intensely confused on what to do, but he didn't have to do anything, he did enough.
As I stood motionless, Brian’s mother was coming out of the house to go to the store, to instead see her youngest in the middle of the street, and me in a shock. She ran to him, and being a nurse she knew proper procedure. He was still breathing.
Brian wasn’t dead, but I still didn’t know how to feel or react. Should I be scared that I will be randomly hit by a drunk driver? Should I feel happy he is not dead? Should I question how he survived? Should I go and try to help? Should I take good from the bad? Not one, but multiple questions came to me at these moments. Not one conclusion but a hundred came from this afternoon. I was able to die, I was not immortal...
“Memento Mori” is a Latin phrase translates roughly to “remember your mortal” and this is used for moments that will remind you of mortality, a reminder you will die comes to you every time you reflect on a Memento Mori. Ignorant to this phrase at the time, and even more unaware of how this experience will affect/effect me. Brian is now my living Memento Mori, he didn't die, he was a fat kid. But as a side note, I think the accident screwed up his spine because he never grew after that... actually he is the same size all around from that day on. His ability to peek my curiosity of physiology and philosophy, without his conscious consent, continues to this day, over a decade later.
My friend survived with a concussion and pride in being hit by a truck at 25 miles per hour and being able to tell the tale. I, however, partially and momentarily died. My youth died; my innocent inspection of this strange world, deceased. I became a cynical dick in retrospect, because a lot of things became dis-valued after the car accident. Playing developed a whole new meaning, because I never played again. I would “do stuff” from then on.
A contributing factor to my underage cynical-ism was my brother whom is 2 and half years older. His friends would go out of their way to teach me sexual terminology and humor. What jerks.
“Hey Nick, do you know what blumkin is?”
“It's where a chick gives you a blow job on the toilet, but you have to be taking a shit.”
“Oh, what's a blow job?”
They took away a lot of the fun of discovering these questions on my own. Also my brother and his friends would pick on me a lot, so I had to get sharper in order to put them back into their place. My fate to become a smart-ass was in motion. Besides trying to think of how to be smarter than a group of kids who looked up sex terms in the dictionary... I also just overall critically thought entirely too much. A couple of years later I read this “manual” on how to be popular and one of the chapters were all about how to NOT critically think about stuff, because those people who do so are “losers.” At first I was insulted but then I pieced together my past of me doing just that (thinking too much) in a ton of social situations.
Classroom setting: A Hispanic boy dictating his values of being 'hard':
“Yo, no one can mess with me, I will knock their ass out!”
Teacher: “Please stop speaking out, and let's continue”
“Fuck you nigga! I do what I want!”
Me: “Hey! Your ability to fight will not get you much further than a gang fight, so shut up”
**Later that day I would be beaten up by him – he showed me.
First, let me tell you, people do not like people who do not go with the flow, especially as children. To be a kid who would participated like a student in college should, as an 8th grader, was not alpha status of social popularity. (You can’t say you can’t play Vivian Paley - is an excellent book about kids grouping other kids, as early as first grade.) Indeed, I was the nerd, geek, loser and dweeb of my early academic career – which, today, I find that to be the better of the circumstance. However wanting to fit in, just seemed impossible.
(The teacher steps out of the room to find a video to watch and a classmate begins a debate.)
Classmate: “Dude, why is this teacher such a jerk? Giving us homework over the weekend!”
After everyone agrees I chime in my two cents:
“It's called a curriculum and if they don't follow it, they get fired.”
Classmate 2: “So why don't we change the curriculum? Homework sucks”
“Good idea, just need to become a politician and change how we been teaching for a couple of decades now...” I don't remember what I said next but 'nerd' and “teacher's pet” followed in a classroom harmony. Remember those days of “OOOOooooooOOOO?” Miss them? I don't.
Regardless of what people thought about me (which was a lot), I started asking a lot more questions in school about “off topic” issues. In math I was wondering why basic rhetoric threw off others when we been practicing it since kindergarten. In history I was questioning why the same material was being covered year after year (the same 4 – 5 American wars...), and in English, I was just curious in how a language is a subject beyond learning how to speak it, can’t every class do that little by little, they are all in English right?… By the time I was a freshman in high school I knew I wanted to teach, because I wanted to experiment with teaching peers like mine. I decided on English, because clearly that was the easiest topic – actually, today, I find that an undergrad of English to be entirely a waste of time. By the time I was a freshman in college, I knew I didn’t want to teach in America, in the majority everyone is a pack of mindless followers (consumer zombies)... I digress.
My social-awkwardness made friendships difficult to manage at younger ages. It didn't help I changed schools every 3 or 4 years. I remember one situation where I blew up a hand full of friendships at once... It was sophomore year and it was St. Patrick’s day and George Carlin happens to be one of my favorite stand up comedians.
“Where's so and so?” (I forgot his name)
“So and so went to the St. Patty's parade.”
“That shit is so stupid, you didn't get to pick your nationality being born just like no one can pick what color hair and eyes they have.”
“Yeah but it's good to be proud of your heritage”
“Yeah but it's also good I didn't shit my pants today, but I am not parading. You might as well be proud of having blue eyes and blonde hair!”
Today I can see where I went wrong, my friends felt that nationality and heritage did dictate who they were, while I felt what you believe is who you try to be and you can't try to be Irish... This back and forth would be the end of at least 5 friendships. Shallow thinking, no? Well kids will be kids! Live and learn! I didn't care I lost 5 friends because I learned a hundred more lessons by losing friend than by having them. I didn't care because I there are so many people in this world, why should I have to stress the relationships I am having at 14, 15 years old? Seems crazy. A great lesson, from losing friends, being that when people put their heart to an argument they won't let you win unless they have opened their heart to you before. Another lesson was: taking things to their 'core belief' is only going to be applicable if the core is understood by both parties. While I tended to believe I cannot know anything anymore, others would have never rationalized that... they were teenagers! While I thought I couldn't know shit, they thought they could know everything. Something in retrospect I came to accept that even mature adults behave that way, which is sad.
Every time I remember the moment of that truck hitting my friend, I remember my mortality and critical thinking complex. Sort of. I remember that I should look past thought and logic and consider the details of reality as being just important as the ambiguous considerations. You can truly learn anything from a stranger, whether it is purposely or not, consciously or unconsciously.
Reality is a rainbow in a corny sense. If you look at it in black and white, you create gray areas and you miss out on a lot. Look around you, what you see is a world built by the hands and minds of others, many you will never know or hear about, but they had the same thoughts and ideas you had/have intrapersonal-ly. The differences reside in the details not in the persons. “That's not purple it's plum!”
When I was watching my friend lay on the floor, and as his mom came, the ambulance came, and in thirty minutes the street looked like nothing had happened. It just sparked me to think existential about EVERYTHING, which in this culture and society makes you an outcast...
As a thirteen year old kid I had asked my dad what dying was like to get the response of “heaven” and clouds. I am not denying anyone their beliefs but Jesus didn’t teach about the kingdom of heaven being in the sky or after death. He taught to create a heaven on earth, heaven as a level of consciousness involving others, a place where we all live eye to eye for one another benefits. That is what A LOT of religious leaders’ taught, just with their own perspectives in relation to those times and geographic location, true story. Also what every major religion has at it's core - humanism.
Everything stated here, materialized from what I learned that day and developed over time with what I now learned is called “critical thinking”. Life is short, throw away the baggage that slows you down and smell the flowers. Talk to a stranger, and never be afraid to say “I don’t know”. Since that “change” I have always considered I do not know A LOT, and that is why it was benefitical my friend was hit, because if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be the person typing this, I would probably be “normal” and that is scarier to me now than death. To be a person caught in a vicious circle, some call life, is depressing to me now. Life shouldn’t be lived doing the same thing everyday. I rather be an outcast as a smart-ass than a mindless follower of what's “cool.” Definitely rather be free than a social slave. A devil rather than angel, because these things only exist in conceptualization, otherwise, in another parallel universe, people worship devils and not angels, but the devils are described as our benevolent image of an angel. Life is relative, as it is subjective... Conceptualization who you want to be and rationalize how that is possible. Since that day, I became a philosopher, and til this day, I have only continued to improve my skills involved in philosophizing.

Not the best moment to be enlightened from, at such an early age... But, to recognize the entirety of a situation, makes even the most grim and sad moments, have a shining light of knowledge.

Friday, January 31, 2014

The Philosophy of Evolution

Evolution, explained without scientific mediation,
Look at your parents and yourself: microevoltuion.
The problems of further articulation,
Comes from details of macroevolution.
Many find difficulty with monkey to cognition...
Look at a tadpole or caterpillar; their adaptions,
From one life form to another in the same direction.
Thousands years of civilizations,
Millions of reasons for our growing diction.
Macro changes in everything - societal and cultivation,
Accepting eternal change in all (Qi) for proper stimulation.
The transition from stones to technology: innovation.
Creation is the mystery which we wish for clarification

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

An Irrelevant Story

It's been a few days since I posted.... I hope this little story makes up for it.
(This poem is relevant to the story)

This story begins with my journey to my friend's place, he is ample to the story so let's call him Armchair. On my way to his apartment I have a momentary flash, not a visual thing but more so like an emotional flow over my body.  I ignored it, as I do most of my moments of random intuitions, and turned the left into his complex's parking lot.

My friend is a Reiki Master, which means he gets paid to speak wise words and massage people in specifically coordinated ways. Armchair has an amazing mediator attitude towards living, one which I envy since I would enjoy regarding myself as a 'middlist'. But, this story isn't about Armchair, it is about the night I experienced with him....

Upon entering the apartment, we have some whiskey and a few packs of the bowl. There is Laurie and Lips, as usual, hanging out at the apartment.  Everyone pretty much sitting around the table and listening to music. Armchair does his dishes while we begin to talk:

"So, tonight I am going to present poetry at this open mic night! Kind of excited and fucking afraid at the same time, I cannot get up there sober; let's drink!" Talking loudly, as I handed Armchair a drink with his soapy hands. "You'll be fine man" He takes a sip "what is your poem about?" "Well, it's called either/or - brother vs lover paradoxes.  The conflict of the poem is what is the moral situation concerning a man's interest in a woman who is not available" half way smiling as I take another chug of my drink.  "That sounds really cool man, so like..." (door rings) "...oh you mind buzzing them in?"

As I buzz the door, a new conversation instantly came up with Laurie and Lips, involving Armchair (whatever, we'll talk later). Then two more people come in, Jose and Orlando.  Orlando was performing later that night also, an acoustic set with lyrics. The light bulb in my head turned on! "Hey Orlando, you think you can do a jazz guitar while I do some poetry? Make a little def jam?" "Let's try it" he said in an accepting and calm voice - like the black bartender from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. 

We begin... and it's fucking solid! Let me tell you! As someone who never raps or claims to be musically talented, it sounded awesome. I stop reading half way through.

"Dude, we so have to perform together! Did you like it?" "Yeah" he said softly again "I liked it, we should do it." My excitement and fear got all the more high, but at least this way I am not the only one up there!

We all keep having a few drinks, smoke a little Buddha, as the bar hour is slowly creeping up.  "You know Armchair" spoken as we are getting ready to leave "We have something very important in common, we both want to find women who are into the nerdy shit we are into - like spirituality, religious talk or philosophy." "Yeah but there is a fundamental difference, you can't wait for her to come to you and I just came to accept that I have no choice but to just wait" spoken as he smiled at me, as if this discussion is settled... "You always have a choice my friend, but while I wait for Miss Right, I will happily file through a bunch of Wrongs. You do indeed have more patience though, saint worthy, although you should be getting out there and slaying women!"

At this point the alcohol takes heavier affect and the next thing I know I am in the backseat of Armchair's car heading to the bar. Talking about how we shouldn't talk about relationships with Laurie present, because the possibility of talking about titties and asses to the point of materialization is plausible. As I went in and out of consciousness, we arrived and the cold air sobered me up a tad.

"MARTIN!" I scream as I see our good-good friend.

Martin is an accomplished young writer, who like myself, discusses topics involving psychology and philosophy as being mutual practices, or at least should be regarded as such. Tall, long hair, looks like a viking, and huge smile.  Martin, if we weren't friends, would be huge rivals, as we both want to figure out the same shit within academic realms.

"What's up man?" Martin screams over the music "drunk! and ready! when is my set?" "Uh, I don't know man. Go ask Macy" As I stumble away from Martin I find myself looking at someone, I rather not be looking at for a hand full of reasons....

The primary concern of this certain somebody's existence being bothersome.. she is some of the inspiration for my poem. The secondary concern she brought with her is her new fiance. I know she read the poem because I sent it to her and she believed it was me trying to make advances, when it was me... You know I don't know 'why' I sent it, but I think it was because the experience had given me a very refined creative outlet.  No matter, what happened, happened, and what was happening, was happening.

"Martin, what the fuck is she doing here?" "I invited her" "Dude, I told you the background behind her and I during that awkward moment us three shared at school." I said wanting to slam my drink into his large skull. "So what man?" "I am presenting the poem I wrote and sent her man!" "Oh... You can't do that poem then, it will make her uncomfortable." he said now realizing he is a partial cocksucker."Dude, I want to do this poem, it's nice and it is my main thing" "Write something now" ... a good solid 2 second pause... "Get me pen and paper..." "Haha awesome, alright" said Martin

I begin just spewing out words... I thought consonant-based poems are the easiest...

After I pulled 5 or 6 people away from their conversations with others to keep the juices flowing... The result was this short poem which would of been read as slowly as humanly possible:

At this point, just nervous as shit, very little excitement left. I get another drink, and sit front row to watch my buddy Orlando spit red hot fire. Then, the fiance decide to sit next to me and have a chat.

The entire conversation was long winded... But, scary, as at any point a drunken (did I mention Air Force?) guy could start a bar fight with me... These are my friends around me, I would feel awful having brought my issues to everyone's attention.

"You're Nick, right?"  "How do I know you know that already?" "I'm Bez, Chrissy fiance" "I know who you are, or else you probably wouldn't be sitting next to me right now, but please this is an environment of my friends, keep it civil" I said thinking if we did fight Martin would feel like a giant asshole for not notifying me of Chrissy's appearance.  "I would like to think I am a rational man, but I am interested in the nature of the poem you wrote" he folded his hands. "I appreciate and thank you for talking with words, first off, and second that poem may have been inspired by my love for your fiance, but that is history. Remember the part where 'what about him? He must be a nice guy!' well, I know how it feels to be you, sitting there wanting to harm the guy who is possibly trying to get with my girl, I am sure it is tough for you."  spoken on one breath of air. "It's actually that part, where I felt like it was me." as he stared into my eyes, I can tell it was entirely sincere.  "Then I did a better job writing than I thought, because that feeling is going to be felt by a lot of guys, everywhere" staring back at him, emotions cooling down at this point.  I open my mouth before him to say "did you like the poem at least? Now understanding the artsy value?" "No, I liked the poem, it was good and part of the reason why I guess I am a little worried about you" he said something like that, if not directly with subtly. "You are with an intelligent girl, one who I would have never fallen in love with if she was not THAT amazing.  I could even wager to say, maybe she holds back with you at times because she loves you and does not want you to feel dumb or insecure about a certain topic. Again, she is brilliant." "I know, and I love her" he was looking more sad than angry.  "You better love her, or a guy like me will sweep her off her feet, and maybe you should do something to stay ahead of her, read more about philosophy, science or whatever. Expand your knowledge dude, she is a genius. And no offense but maybe you aren't the academic like she or I am, but that's no big deal, that's not what is important.  The important thing is to be moral.  And, now that I met you, not that I would of, have less reason to be immoral against you, because again, I been you and that hurts more than anything" now we both look like normal people talking "So, you are saying I need to stay ahead of her a little?" "Essentially... Yes, she is amazing, and brilliant.  Don't be afraid of someone like me, learn from me, be better, I am not special, you are not special, never stop improving! But, you shouldn't tell her I said all of this.  Because like 'planting seeds' I may have already planted one, it's there.  Use it, feed it, work with it... because as soon as you try to step on it, she may think about the value of what was lost. Not even ME per say but someone like me"  at this point Martin tells me I am about to go on... which I could not be more grateful for... Chrissy walks by and I gesture to sit and walk away...

A few moments I turned around, she seemed down but later she would be fine...

Another few moments later, Laurie tells me I am not performing... What a fucking relief! Boy was I nervous to go on with a half ass'd poem.

But, then I remembered about the girl who currently had my heart.... I text'd her and told her to call me (not knowing what she was doing or where she was), she did...

The history behind our relationship goes as follows: I fucked up, twice.

I cried outside that bar for 15 minutes, not the first time for this particular girl, and begged her for the third chance... Her reason for rejection would be fear of me messing up a third time... I asked her if she still loved me she said "yeah, but doesn't mean anything."


"Good bye Nick..." I deleted her number and text messages....

I still love her, but eventually it will be no different than the love I have for Chrissy. The love will always be there, but instead of dreading I will focus the energy else where (like writing!).

The night was almost over...

Armchair and I had a cigarette, my eyes still red, the bar owner saw and asked if I needed anything.

At first I said no, and he continued to offer.  I walked inside, and after a few minutes and thought 'he owns the bar!'.  "After all, a rum and coke would be nice man..." he waved to the waitress to get me a drink and continued to offer anything else he could... I laughed and said "a job!"

Armchair, at this point, is completely ignorant of the many events which will take place, but would somehow be able to give sagely advice in his drunken state of mind: "You know Nick...

Monday, January 27, 2014

Images of Images

I feel as if I am above others,
Not better, but on feathers.
Deep thoughts are scary.
Fighting through fear, and fairies.
A warrior, and wizard.
Deep thoughts are a given reward.
Why only try to go forward?
Ability to understand the universe,
Used on how to please the senses...
Objectivity is a process.
To satisfy is cognition.
Achieve Buddha; the mind of God,
Be virtuous for good.
A genius in all,
Tricked into following the fall.
The link between all and nothing,
Difference of ignorance and knowing.
Close your eyes for a moment.
The moment is over, content?

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Generic Love Poem

When I attempt to love you
All my actions prove taboo.
I am drunk without a beer,
Thus adhering love's accrue...
Love for you shows satire...
Life long scribe of blind desire.
Infant overwhelmed by drugs,
Your shrugging admirer.
I love you but I do not,
Likewise to happiness bought.
Conducts appear religious;
A play with tedious plot.
This paradox of diction
Illustrate contradictions
Found in nature's harmony
Of lust, commonly stricken.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Learning How to Meditate

I plan on using this poem in a book one day!

Be rested, now hunt the unrest,
Sunrise for pleasant stimuli,
Fasting keeps body stimulant,
Unwind distraught thought processes.
Breathe silenced, arrowing the spine,
Crisscross legs, hands plate above thighs.
Aim to stop distractions, clear mind,
Strive for lucidity. Shut eyes.
Do not reflect on, think over,
Desire, will, and self-prophecy;
Contradicting paradoxes.
End thoughts; momentary delusions.
Inhale; absorb divine nature.
Ex - ; seek dormant serenity.
Respire; inside lay all answers,
Find 'em, flex 'em, distinguish 'em.
Focus on the lotus flower,
Concentrate on its perspective.
Exchange lives with plant, switch ego,
Replace self's soul with lotus' goal.

Monday, January 20, 2014

This, That

The problem is,
we do not stop at...
"She is a great this"
“What do you think of these, by them?”
"Did you see him in that?"
but we add...
"She was seen doing that!",
"He did this!",
"Did you hear about that?!"

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Simply True

I liked this so much, I posted on both my blogs :-D

There is no self without relations,
Animals who require reflections.

Dreaming up desirable worlds of thought,
Although not nurturing what's constantly taught.

Friday, January 17, 2014



Chew over pure quietness;
Rapid one hand clapping,
Blizzard in a field,
Sound of a bleeding wound.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

From Zen to ameriCAN:

"To study Buddhism is to study ourselves. To study ourselves is to forget ourselves." - Dogen

Buddhism is the practice of forgetting ourselves.Yet, this is a Zen master... Daoism is an essential influence of Zen practice. Seems over simplification could avert thinking in one direction instead of multiple. Forgetting ourselves... The idea is innately Zen, but Zen came later in history, so what is it innately? Maintaining effortlessly a divergence of mind... but, not really.

Buddhism involves the 'self' and efforts of discipline to assert the lessons upon oneself. Daoism, in a sense, doing the same thing but with regards to the 'balances of nature' - non-extremism, middlism, metaphysical neutralism... The real difference is nature v nurture... Buddhist approach achieving enlightenment through self and nature - Daoism the same but through nature and self. Different procedures, make different worlds of thought.  Zen exist within the procedure, never surfacing unless to note a static procedure... A constant consistency...

Reflecting on either side of the coin will get you further away from knowing what the ridges are like.

Zen is innately a difficult topic to define - a lot, a lot of history and master from the past... attempting to define or express the school of thought that is Zen Buddhism...

Contradictions do not exist, paradoxes are what you learn from, and knowing you cannot ever fully know ... would be a good mentality to practice Zen in... But, the tradition of solely worrying about what only earlier Buddhist masters said, is intolerable. There are so many philosophers in history which have 'Zen' thoughts without knowing or ever hearing the word. Ancient Stoics for example. Why limit your education of history to just one thought practice when their are so many available? Browse them all! Figure out which says the message best for you.

** I am no expert but this is how I feel in my understanding of the above.

Be a beatnik...

"Americans should know the universe itself as a road, as many roads, as roads for traveling souls."
-Walt Whitman

Just don't do all the acid...

Be divergent, you can apply yourself into more things without changing who you want to be... ultimately, however, being divergent will change you. Divergence of thought is essential to being the master of yourself... Achieving Buddha.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Desperate Cries: Experiencing America's Gang Problem

A lot of local politicians would  like to tell you there is no real gang problem developing in the inner cities and suburbs of America.  The reality is the contrary; as a 90's baby recessions always seemed to come and go, and people always seemed to find themselves a little desperate to make a living.  The lines between right and wrong (legal and illegal) are not so important when there are no easy to gain jobs readily for "criminals" (and we all know everyone who has done time is not bad). We are the leading nation in prison per capita; 1 in 130 Americans have been or are in prison currently.  These statistics are easily searched engined, but they tend to not be so-common-knowledge.  The information may not be entirely accurate due to illegal immigrants.  However, they provide disturbing social-cultural realities of America.  We have a large number of prisoners that need jobs when they are released. Gangs will take a criminal record as a resume, businesses background check for any little offense! A vicious cycle of gangs, violence and unregulated drugs is happening all over areas like New Jersey.

Growing up in suburbia, witnessing gang activity, and associating [unknowingly] with prospects and members of local gangs, was nothing abnormal for my Middle School career. Crazy enough, it was easy to find places providing "fun" (drugs, mischief and parties) even for a pasty white kid like me.  Everyone in my school was either drinking or smoking pot (rarely anything more extreme), and since I wanted to hang out with at least a few new people, I would end up smoking marijuana myself a few times during my two years attending my town's Middle School.  I tried to be where the fun was happening and to keep up with the gossip of where to keep distance from.  If there was an open house, that meant no-adults and really that just meant "open-season" for the these social groups of kids.

'You can now picture me (one of the few non-Hispanics) in a small two floor house that is steadily increasing by 20+ people every half hour!'

'Dance floor was where anyone COULD dance, alcohol had no designated area (finder-keepers rules), and everyone speaking a mixture of Spanish and Slang-English.'

The majority of the people I spent having fun with were of Hispanic and Spanish ethnicity. The way I met so many members/prospects was friends of friends of friends (family of friends of friends, friends of family of friends, etc, etc.)... was at house parties like these. Until ultimately nearly everyone who grouped around me in this house, and I had now become very social with individuals whom have been known to be officiates of gangs. I didn't think these kids were bad, because all kids are not who they behind closed doors nor when they are in the public eye.  Kids are just impressionable, they follow the examples of the people who raised them and who educated them.. Some were genuinely smart and clever, some weren't.  Some were athletic; some had a chance for a future...

- What I learned from attending these parties, I remind you these kids were 12 - 15 years old, was 'self-image' is very important to people.  During the parties, at that age, I thought kids would grow out of caring about what other people thought... But I seen more fist fights over a guy 'kinda talking smack' about another than at any other point in my life, but the girls were way more vicious. Their fights were like entertainment to the guys, who would then become professional boxing coaches all of a sudden.

- I also learned how to dance salsa, merengue & bachata! 

I cannot ever say I was an angel, but in no way was I interested in any type of organized gang activity, but... I did have my moments of being a little criminal. 

After school events tended to have a pattern to them; leave, walk towards home, pass 'the' convenience store (where my friend Josh was notorious for stealing Full Throttle energy drinks, it was impressive because they were the 'tall boy' cans], and then usually witnessing and/or performing an [additional] criminal act; they would vary from petty acts like knocking over trash cans to a little bit more vicious like breaking a car light.  I mean what's fun is fun, right? Until you got caught. People getting pinched, ratted on, and dumb enough to get caught was a common occurrence in my Middle School. The vice principal would come to the class and escort you to the office to make you didn't walk out of the building before they got a chance to talk to you and/or pact you down.  I never took that, but I imagine it's a little heart wrenching. But after school, there was no limits! My friends and I, although I make us sound like misfits, usually ended up playing Basketball or video games at a mutual friends place. To be honest, I tried to stay with the clean-cut and stay-out-of-trouble kids at the end of the day.  After hours is when "fun" time became something not so fun.

I would never have joined any gang, and I was offered.  I even learned the process, and witnessed trials for other kids.  A lot of them didn't trust me because I was white, but I never went anywhere without my friend who had "rep" with everyone; you can call him Galo. After a while, I became careless with those groups of people; I would venture to parties alone and hang-out spots without my highly reputable friends.  Usually I was fine, sometimes a fight, but nothing serious (like going to the hospital). Until that one afternoon on Halloween's Eve.

You see in my Northern New Jersey demographic, on Halloween Eve, there were gang initiation nights for the prospects looking to join their desired gangs.  The task a few years ago (about 2009) was following women in their cars until they stopped, and killing them.  Apparently this is "common knowledge" among the group I was associated with, so it was never brought up. That Halloween Eve would be a party anyways, so fear never was an issue - they new members would most likely end up to one of the few locations for celebration.  This knowledge was not known to me at all, until I learned first handed, and then it was too late to avoid it.


- Belleville-Newark, New Jersey - October 30, 2005

I'm walking out of school and it was odd all my friends didn't want to hang out; usually they would want to grab a dutch (cigar wrap) and smoke before they went home to eat and change for the nightlife.  It was whatever; I wanted to go bike riding to the park and around my town anyways.  Getting home, ate a little, got money and grabbed my knife (it was a nervous kid precaution developed from my experience of a "D-Block" which was me getting hit so hard as to be aware I would was being robbed until I saw them running away with my wallet).

"Going to a friend's house, love you guys" I yelled leaving my house.

My bike was my obvious primary mode of transportation. I had a skateboard around but never got into have to kick and push a thousand times to get no where fast!

I left my driveway riding my all-black bike through my town of Belleville, I headed towards the bridge for a hot dog off the truck (I remember I didn't like what was for dinner).  The truck was located on the bridge that gaps Newark and Belleville.  I also remember because someone almost hit me on my way over there! I ate two with hot onions and then decided to take an alternative route back towards the general direction of my house.  Instead of staying to the main streets and school areas, I wanted to go up and around towards Bloomfield and Nutley.

So there I am cruising down the street and saw there were a hand full of kids no older than me around a 'boom-box' hanging out, sharing a can of beer.  They were actually dressed very nicely for standing on that particular street corner - I mean their shoes must of been worth at least a hundred bucks.  Two were black, three were brown, and there seemed to be some white kids (but had a darker complexion), but I do not remember the group exactly.  I didn't recognize who they were, and today I still have no clue.  Anyways, as I road by slow, just nosily trying to see what was happening, before I could fully cognate it... they began to chase me!

On my bike I was not going to get caught from a bunch of kids running! I had to cut through the park to make sure I didn't go deeper into Newark and would at least stay in my town.  Riding on grass tires you out quickly so I looked for an area I could leave my bike for a little while and just walk home and be less noticeable.  I road 3-4 blocks away, and stopped in a household community to catch my breathe. I left my bike in a garbage-alley (the gap in between two of the houses for garbage) and began to walk where I could slow my breathing down.  Tried to look and walk and think casually; 'everything is going to be okay' I repeated in my head.

In a mix of scared, tired and excited, I called my boy for a house to hang out nearby, no answer.  I decided to head to an acquaintance's house.  I hate helped him clean up his house after a party and helped calm down a few loud people from screaming.  As I took a right on a corner near our town's golf course I am still only trying to control my breathing.  It was rough being a semi-chubby kid who's only sport was video games and casual sports with friends! I heard two Spanish kids talk behind me for a block or two, I didn't want to think nor thought they were from the original pursuit.  But to be honest, I didn't look at their faces. Too busy haling ass.

Then as I hear the foot stomps of sloppy running I realize the situation quick, I was about to be hit.  This being nothing new to me, I been hit before, but they were always 1 on 1, thus somewhat far.  2 on 1 would of been rough, even with the knife in my pocket. Even with confidence, confrontations of this degree are better avoided than taken head on.  I ran, but this time in flat skater shoes that have no arch.  Pain started quickly, my mind was on controlling my breath, 'in the nose out of the mouth' I repeated in my mind.  I jumped a fence but they were able to follow me, but I was able to gain a good half of block distance, I finally got some of a relief (just a little further).  Just then I was cut off by the two black kids from earlier...

They said "Stop! Or we WILL beat you down" I complied.

The other two caught up and made me feel slightly better for a moment as they were REALLY out of breath. I noticed at least two of the four went to my school and the others were in fact at least 4 to 5 years older. I was shit scared.

After everyone caught their breath - which was mutually needed - the oldest black kid said "This kid needs to fight you" pointing to one of my Latino pursuers and he continued "We're here to make sure no one interrupts until it's over." In my head I was hoping for a miracle, but I was on a dead-end street, in an already not-so-busy area of my town, only one car had pass us this entire time - so no help from random predestines was coming..

I was then mentally prepping to get hit and possibly get beaten up (I didn't trust they would not interfere, but also didn't think they would without reason). At this point, I was kinda just angry and my youthful arrogance got the better of me - like a rat in a corner.  I didn't speak to them, I stood back with my hand near the pocket holding my hunting-style knife.  I was thinking it would scare him away from fighting me and would back down from the initiation process. That was until he wiped out a knife of his own and my eye lit up.  I began sweating bullets, this was no movie scene, this shit was for real.  He walked towards me cautiously, a little timidly.

"Don't kill him, just fuck him up" said the second black kid, who had a full beard.

As the seemingly brave kid stepped forward he took a swing at me with the knife, but I jumped back, and it was clear he wasn't as nervous as I thought.  At this point I reached in my pocket and flipped my open.  I saw the fear from before become more solidified in his eyes.

"Oh shit, looks like we picked a wild one, that's a big knife" they laughed together while their prospect began to sweat. 'How evil' I thought.

I tried to show confidence, and so did he, I asked "Is it worth it?" after a second of an eon passed he angrily mumbled "You don't even know."

He lunged forward, I stepped back and sideways, as he stepped back I walked back a few steps to give space and I was stalling... I didn't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else.  I was hoping for the fucking miracle.

Apparently, this just made him more angry, and he ran forward at me which made me sprint in the opposite direction.  Feeling him, sensing him, get closer I turned around as quickly as possible like I had a fencing sword and lunged straight forward in a defensive manner.  He stopped running and didn't get even close to the tip of my knife.  He lunged again but this time he pierced my left arm (there wasn't instant pain, the shock in my body and the adrenaline was too high) and then he pulled it out.

After another second of an eon of staring and holding the gash in my arm, it began to hurt after the second second.... It hurt a lot, but now I was furious. I remember feeling as if his anger was dissolving after he stabbed me, but whether it was fear or regret or relief that took it's place - I didn't care at that moment.  I took this chance of his relaxation and my aggravation to charge:

**What I was experiencing had only been known to me through television series and movies, and it is intense how we just watch them without realizing where inspiration might of came from.**

Like an action scene, I hit his armed right hand outwards with my bleeding forearm, and drove my knife into his thigh.  His friends got to us by the time I had pulled my knife out and started running towards my home.  They didn't chase me this time... In a panic I threw my knife away in a gutter...

I kept my arm hidden from everyone (wore long sleeve shirts), even from my friends (to not be identified by any gang members), and eventually got my garbage covered bike back... And a series of fearful memories for a life time...


Today, I am not proud of this event, and being afraid to leave my house for weeks is not a great sensation to experience.  I watched a million movies for a couple of weeks, school and T.V were I would schedule, with some friends coming over, once in a while.  The image of blood pouring out of my open wound, recalling the hard steel making contact with my bone - all came more vivid after the event, after it was all done.  I would never want to experience it again, nor would I wish it upon my greatest enemy.  But, would I change it? Would I want to delete those memories from my mind? No, of course not. 

While I am disturbed by how this event was possible, at the same time I'm glad I experienced it.

That night when I was wrapping my arm and putting peroxide on it, I felt alive, I felt human, I felt how fragile we all really are, and I also thought (and today think about) how it has to take an extreme experience like that in order for us to feel this way.  It made me appreciate everything I had, and forced out of the delusional privileged mindset I had - granted only 14 years old when it happened. Being in my room for those few days a lot of thoughts came in my head: I hated them, wanted them dead for putting me through such fear, but after all of those emotions lifts and realized 'they were going to that to any kid they saw, I was just the unlucky choice, and at least I was prepared..' and also, crazy enough, hoped I didn't cripple the kids leg by hitting anything vital.. I got over all of it in time.

As awful as it is to consider, this type of activity, these gang initiations for young kids are still happening today, and are not likely to stop any time soon. 

While I got my awareness of exactly how bad the gang problem is in the inner cities of America. There are easily other routes to be aware of the gang violence that occurs in highly populated areas of the country - and I don't think we should wait for news outlets to just make us afraid of them, but to change the system so they don't have to be "them" but a part of everyone else.

Kind of sickening our culture hides these real problems away underneath and behind 'foreign issues' while if we were made aware of them, we wouldn't need to get stabbed to understand how severely bad of a problem they are!

You do not know anything until you face the consequences, even if your actions were small or nonexistent.  Sometimes you have to expect the unexpected.  A hard rationalization to conquer, but it was one I faced early. Today I feel fearless in the face of confrontation with others, I mean unless they have a knife on them too... No, stop, I am only kidding! After that day I never carried a knife on my again! I really understood "Those who live by the sword die by sword" all the better.  I just avoided all these areas in general, stopped hanging with those social circles and going to their parties, AND especially didn't do nearly as much mischief afterwards (I was always going directly home!).

I do wish the kid I harm all the best, and hope he is no longer in a gang and not in prison, not dead and living a good life.

But I wish more people will realize gangs will not go away from the threat of prison or charges, they can only go away in a system that gives second chances, that promotes job creation for uneducated citizens, that allows more after school activities to be funded on the taxed dollar.  The issue of gangs is not an isolated issue, and to think it doesn't effect you is ignorant (especially if you have ever used drugs - who do you think controls the market in the cities of New Jersey?).

If getting stabbed had any positive results, it was waking up in the matrix built by cultural short-sightedness.  The most negative, is realizing most won't wake up without witnessing or experiencing these great social-evils, first-handed. And if it takes upper-middle class and rich people to get stabbed before they protest and campaign for change, than these issues are not going away, any time soon.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

A Filler Poem - Nihilism Life

I always thought I would write a poetry book, I still may, this would be one of those poems EVERY author puts into their books to fill in space!

Stories involve more than six words.
. . . . . . . .
Maybe more than eight syllables.
. . . . . . . .
No great need to be four lines long.
. . . . . . . .
Yet, the world of thought is painted.

Friday, January 10, 2014

The Sylltis Mantable

Anything after the ( - ) is the mantis, and before the bird [until the third line, then it is all Mantis.  I didn't know how to properly format the second half. 

Syllables were counted..! For the Mantis!


An ancient insect,
Inherited prayers
In walking meditation.
Martial art master practicing
Weighed posture, lightning offensive,
Cactus'ing prey with poetic inverses. 
. . . . . . . . . .  
Bird proses threat, - patience and timing impacts.
Lurid pecking to a rhyme, - fastens stance, lungs for the neck,
The bird sprawls. - again he flings, digging into the veins,
Victory. His arms roar high, feasting on the spoils of war.
A mythic legend, an insect king, the sylltis mantable.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

From Fucking to Loving

Wrote this thinking about how I would do myself if I could!

(No, not really!)

We paused for a moment,
Breathing heavy.
The shower,
Feels colder than before.

Looking down into her eyes,
To see if she was ready to go again.
Since when did she become radiating?

Her stare drew me in.
When did this happen?
What was one a moment before,
Is now another.
We had began as strangers looking for a quick fix,
Simply fucking, became complex love making.

Holding one another gently,
Recklessly kissing,
Touching like lost lovers.

. . .

Completely embraced -
Cuddling coitus.
Captive of our sexual connection.
Can this be real?

She opened her arms to me,
I to her.
No matter the nature of transformation,
Rejection, denial, fear - all unbecoming.

We paused for a moment,
Looking down into her eyes,
Her stare drew me in.

We had began as strangers looking for a quick fix.

Completely embraced,
She opened her arms to me.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Playing With His Hair

ALSO - 'Playing With Her Hair' -  except instead of 'childish brute' should be replaced, with what ... ? Is the question.

Playing with his hair;
Wondering if he's there.

Childishly brute
In prey of my grasp.

Unconditional infatuation
Drives motivation of desire.

Whispering "Love Me"

Staring fear in the face -
Loving distaste.

The foul beast
Endangering my esteem,
He does nothing but dream.

What permeates his mind?
Life goals?
Memories? Me?

Do I violate your mind as you do mine?

While cherished, hated.
Although loved, regretted.

Showing signs of love,
Then moments of hate.

You divide my thoughts -
I hatingly love you.
. . . . .

Playing with his hair;
Does he really care?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Quotes of Two Idols: Compare and Contrast!

First part is a close analysis of Gandhi's quote than a compare/contrast with a Einstein quote!

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest convictions is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble" - Mahatma Gandhi

The above quote holds significance in more than just the man whom said it, but the historic achievement of his inspirational political movement.  What Mahatma Gandhi was concerned mainly with politics.  How he would speak was very spiritual - it didn't seem like he was just talking politics, because he wasn't. He was talking with the conviction of how these two concepts are so strongly relate-able, they speak to us religiously (spiritually and politically, in another sense). This particular quote speaks to both counts of human relationships: the spiritual subjects (religion) and the social subjects (politics).'

As a spiritual leader, responsible for uniting the continent of India, in this quote, makes a political statement; a man who is talking about civil disobedience is one who finds that social acceptance leads to some of the larger issues which go unnoticed. The British colonization of India was slowly in affect, and the common people did not know or understood very little about what that meant.  He told the people to ask their local parliaments "What do these new policies mean for our  representation!" "There is an issue with another nation trying to "colonize" our rightful country!" Protest was eventually necessary, but to truly gather the hearts of so many he spoke from the truest of places: his soul.

Gandhi wanted the people who already follow accepted social norms, to instead, question and be inquisitive in why those actions/thoughts are the norm.  His spirituality and secularism allowed him to touch the hearts of so many.  He would quote figures from all the major religion; "turn the other cheek." He would participate in any welcomed prayer.  Yet, most are not so Gandhi-like with religion, most practice one religion and maintain it's the best! The major religion of India were Hinduism and Buddhism in variable sects. Many believing in Hinduism did not respond well with Christianity, and vice versa (the British settlers). The lack of seeing eye-to-eye on religious topics (like God), makes "colonization" more of a crusade.  Still, why was it necessary to be so spiritual to change the political mentality of Indians?

Whether it be politics or religion, there are those who follow ideologies blindly and without great knowledge of "why they are defending that ideology." (There are atheist who know more about the Bible than Catholics!) These people are part of the herd, being sheeple (- being people but herding like sheep), is a common occurrence and one that is appears to be universal. Accepting things as they are, following the methods which existed before you, is easy - it is easy to just learn the old ways and continue carrying them on forward.. Takes real 'balls' to speak out against what you feel is no longer working out for the better.  (Even if you are wrong in your conviction, you would have at least learned a lesson from being wrong and learned, than never have learned anything at all).
The applicability of this quote is wide ranging: Religious individuals will learn to question their own beliefs, to be a better person and to have total confidence in their beliefs.  People who are thinking about politics to do the same; how do you know which decision is the best choice if you do not investigate the choices you have? A"no" that leads to struggle and results, is better than an easy "yes" that leads to nothing gained. "Stand up for what you believe in!" "Be the change you want to see!"


"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."- Albert Einstein

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest convictions is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble" - Mahatma Gandhi

A spiritual leader, responsible for uniting the continent of India... And the father of modern physics, responsible for relativity theory, which depicts space-time... Feel as though a common hipster. Someone incorrigible to feel justified in placing these two modern figures in the same writing... Men who would have done different things entirely, compiled in order to craft a singular thought? Why the fuck not.

The above two quotes have one common idea expressed in two distinctions: changing the normative paradigm of thought takes a spark of ingenuity and effort.

1. Einstein would denote the above thought in the sense of scientific exploration. Using his practical geometry he would formulate an alternative idea how to build physics... He was not a man who simply took an already recognized figure of physics and continued his work. No. He saw a problem and approached it in an original manner.  Today, I feel as though most scientist do not attempt to break away from the tradition of continuing an earlier theorist works... Community may have a lot to do with it, graduate school for the sciences are preparing students to be a theorist of their own sort, but a theorist in which takes already made theory and continues altering them to see what happens... This is the contrary to the above Einstein quote.. This keeps the community of science in an elitist nature. To step away from the normative paradigms...

2. Gandhi, talking about civil disobedience, is one who finds that social acceptance leads to some of the larger issues which go unnoticed. Like Einstein, Gandhi wants those who follow accepted norms to question and be inquisitive in why those actions/thoughts are the norm.  While for scientist it comes from a tradition of method, society is no different. Following the herd, being sheeple, is a common occurrence and one that is appears to be universal. Accepting things as they are, following the methods which existed before you, is easy - it is easy to just learn the old ways and continue carrying them on forward.. Takes real 'balls' to speak out against what you feel is no longer working out for the better.  (Even if you are wrong in your conviction, you would have at least learned a lesson from being wrong and learned, than never have learned anything at all).

While one speaks of the genius ability in all of us, and the other for civil disobedience... both would agree looking at the whole picture of reality requires not construction, but destruction...

Thoughts are just as powerful as actions... Even more so - The pen is mightier than the sword.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Whining Pigs

Another poem written for my college poetry class - with two versions!


Personal space does not exist,
One large smell of mud.
Hygene is a myth,
Just nutritional jest.

Independent feelings of sociability;
Sit alone with others.
Displaying individualism
while bliss-ly flowing.

Social knowledge crying out
But nothing helps.
Pushed in refined lines
During distressful times.


Pen of social norms
Dictate our moving forms.
What needs no debate,
We are near our fate.

Personal space does not exist
One large smell of mud.
Hygiene is a myth
Just nutritional jest.

Filth is fine.
A life full of wasting time.
Boar'd with living;
Sloppy feeding.

Independent feelings of sociability;
Sit alone with others.
Blissful commonality;
Ignorant of slicking leather.

Wall-less prison
Keeping one another captive.
Were we to riot,
Only prolonging our demise.

Social knowledge squealing out
But nothing helps.
Pushed in refined lines
During distressful times.

Pleas make no difference;
Whining, screaming and crying.
Bundled up against each other
Facing the mercy of the system.

Some kick and fight,
Only to get beaten towards the light.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Watch It Crash

Locomotive on the way,
Speeding out of control.

A mother nurses her child.
Friends debate philosophy.

The wheels and rails become unfriendly,
They divorce.

Old men, old companions sit among another,
Reading the newspaper; information from yesterday.

Meant to stay on track,
Now wildly stumbling, unstably, arbitrarily.

Couple napping in one another's arms.
Babies thinking their baby thoughts.

Rolling out of control;
Fire and crushing steel.

Adults gossiping, teens copying.
Games are played with no real rules.

Glass broken, frame crumbled,
What was once behind is now under...

As long as the passengers are happy,
No reason to explain the tragedy.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Fortified Beliefs: Cognitive Dissonance

A core belief is difficult to define fully. However an analogy may assist in the strength a core belief has on human psyches. We cannot know much for certain. We can only know what humanity can understand through cognitive endeavors and limitations. What we do know about core beliefs... they are create happiness with the knowledge they are there.

Some people are given these beliefs very young....

Place a core belief in a middle of an open area. For this belief you have to defend from another persons' counter beliefs. No bigger or smaller than yours. Most children or adolescents or adults alike. Will never have an attacker.

They begin to build structures around the belief to keep it safe while they are away. What they use for construction are bricks made out of an emotion, or thought, or combination of the two. More bricks used, the more important the core belief becomes, the more fear there is for it to be destroyed - although no belief can ever truly be diminished.

The core belief creates an euphoric state of mind. Eventually while some beliefs have houses and fences constructed around them.. A core belief, without being offended, could have a castle or fortress around them.

Some day. A protagonist comes along to try to attack the fortified belief. Their attempt is futile they can only bring so many supplies until the fort eventually outlast the ammunition.

Sometimes these battle allow the defense of the fort/castle to be improved, awareness of counter beliefs prevents their effectiveness.

Like all constructed beliefs, the fort can be broken. But, with a larger defense comes a larger battle. Even if an arsenal of offenders approach. Materials from the other structured beliefs will be taken apart and reused for the more essential core belief or beliefs.

If, or when... A core beliefs structure is near pressuring point - about to break. A lot of things can happen....

Events involving fear, anxiety, confusion - dysphoria - as, all the euphoria from believing will ever bring to you, is gone... Hard pill to swallow. Hard battle to lose.The core belief is crippled...

Ego decides what to do next.

Rebuild, re-replicate, or stop building large castles to ever experience the hard ship of dysphoria.

What are your core beliefs? Are they worth fortifying? Why?

Universal Lies; Intra-lying

Just some more existential inquiry :-X

Confused but not alone,
within thoughts and sins.
But, I did nothing except love.
Love is honesty, it is truth.
Yet lies are the norm, the average.
When is lying, hatred? Hating, a lie?
Lying for jobs, sex, and one's self worth,
justified by the means.
Lies create more lies of esteem.
Rather an enemy of state,
than a product of hate.
I will not lie, I will not hate.
Fake it 'til you make it.
Strive for the lucidity of details, doing what it is, you desire,
and what's stopping you, is you.
Pretend to be what you require.
Practice makes perfect, jump into it, be a fine liar.
I will not hate, I will not lie.
Are falsehoods, lies?
Are there degrees of truth, to lay?
Are we what makes a lie, a lie?
Where are the guidelines?
When should I lie?

The Inner Dialog of a MANtis

A poem that was for class, to describe something with alternative comparisons!

Plus I love Praying Mantis!

At distance I'm an unripe cockroach,
Face to face, grim reaper with dual scythes!
Slow paste, I can act sporadic.
Waist down is pleasantly plump,
My wings take up most of my trunk!
10,000 lens creating necessary visual editors,
For environments full of predators.
Consistently on toes, always ready to fight
For my life.
Nightfall flights are the norm,
Searching for a mate with a hot pheromone.

Simplicity, is Not so Simple...

"I live in three worlds" - To be continued....

Your world, the one we are all responding to cognitively and through societal norms; wake up at an alarm life style - fall a sleep to do it all over again. Finding happiness or knowledge to fulfill meaning - to satisfy our metaphysical desires.

The second, a world of the platinum rule - being adaptable and treating people like they expect to be treated rather than how I expect to be treated myself. Never being extreme in any thought. - God; pure good, all knowing, all wise, and caring. God made us to be like God, not just to talk about God - but to study and figure out his nature. The nature of God, is singularity in the sense of striving to be unified and to bring God to everyone born. To create our own things in Gods image. Not to manipulate it soully, but to work with nature. The Nature. Philosophy is the oldest way in which to understand nature, hard belief systems were developed and traditionalized, then science was culturized. Both now today make their own belief systems and cultures vigorously. Philosophy depicts God, words and ideas and beliefs. To not work in the broadest of terms w/ the simplest of understandings, we cannot be looking in the entire scope of God's nature. Science brings to light the simplest of understandings. It is up to the men creating paradigms that guide what those simple understanding create. There simple because man can manipulate the idea of them, and perhaps the physical object that the understanding is consistent of - in order to change, learn, and create. There are lines that should not be crossed in the name of knowledge, however, if everyone is aware, watching, concerned, etc. on the line crossing... that is playing God also. To know everything about nature, individually - as a whole, is to be setting the path to be with God. It is a path, it is not just an A to B process. Constantly we must be able to adapt and be able to respond in good moral behavior in order to be with God. God is nature in the sense that we must work with God in order to be with, understand, accept God; each other as a single species designed for something more than just finding happiness, but with making sure everyone else does not experience great sorrow. That we may be able to concentrate more on following God in knowing, goodness, purity, and wisdom. Too not seek and perform these things, to only perform them with a select group, to only be selfish with these words... Isn't being with God. How it can be exoteric with knowledge of the nature of God? Private studies of behavior towards advertisements are an example of this; what sells best to kids, teenagers, etc. This is actually how the platinum rule is abused, by using knowledge of others against them to manipulate our thinking... This, is evil... To sell candy and unhealthy food to kids and altering their developing psyches for profit! No goodness here, yeah it is "smart" but an abuse of wisdom... Wisdom that could be used in a direct of inspiring children to get educated, to set paths of self improvement, and even perhaps to want to assist each other in doing so - that subliminal messaging, to make kids improve themselves cognitively... That is wrong? Wouldn't be doing that anyways with the best of education programs? Then that is right?

This world, is in the middle, for good reason. God is the nature of singularity - this word, how it is defined, how it is perceived will depend on who you are as a person. God is unique to us all, but at the foundation of us all, is a human spirit. God is a reflection of us, as we are a reflection of God. This world, even truth is probably not entirely true. The left or right are not the only options. There are an infinite amount of possibilities in this world - let's make the better ones happen base off of the nature of God - not what we think immediately is better because they make us happy, but, what will always make everyone happy. Yin and yang philosophy. Balances. In this world, evil can be done for goodness sakes. Do the ends justify the means? Is there really ever an end? Why does history repeat itself? What is justful? What is wise and wisdom? Where do I find all of these answers? Can we ever be done questioning and be with God?

A life, helping those who you have never met before. Trying to better people you can never meet due to you being gone from this place. There are so many ways to help the people of this world with just knowledge... Never mind money. Knowledge can build a world far better; trading knowledge for knowledge sakes? Entirely unrealistic in the first world – not in the second world...

An argumentative point on charity;

We enjoy giving to others who have less, even if it is a cigarette or some spare change.
But on a communal scale... one which requires economic, demographics and social policies... 
When we give charity to a third world country... In the long run it turns out those who donate can do more harm than good. Ignoring the clear corruption of the majority of  charity organizations, the non-profit corporations - sure. And focusing on the entire idea of itself - charity on a national premise.

  1. You are a laborer in a 'third world country'. Your job is to collect and clean resources in order for the local 'tailor' or 'tailor company' to make clothing. A donation comes in from the a non-profit organization; it is clothing. Now, this donation has taken three or more jobs away from local workers and the community as a whole.
  2. Same goes for food and other trade goods.
Without the ability to develop an economy within a local or foreign trading system or market... These small countries have no chance of being able to build and develop into larger more complex systems able to provide more social choices for citizens
Donations are in a sense crippling their ability to compete in this capitalistic world. 
We are a world based on economics of money marketing and profiting from hard-work and labor involving the concepts of what monetary exchange provides... More profit of money. 
________ Here exist a thought which will not be specifically described. A thought which is an 'A to Z complex', in its own right, has been expressed in countless ways by many of individuals.  The complex is the sort of thing which is painted by varieties of perspectives._____________________
This is because happiness took the wheel; optimism suggesting that one must realize part of life is self actualization and how socially acceptable we are... Are my questions leading me away or towards certain groups? Are my ideas placing me with certain people or are certain people placing ideas in me?

A question always leads to more questions in the world... God is not one answer, but many. Nature is a cycle, it changes, adapts, evolves... We must pursue that in the idea/image of God. Admitting mistakes and making sure they do not repeat.

And the third - a world where both meet in harmony for the benefit of the evolution of man. For my children's children. So, that maybe in this life time I can live to 100. And be in the fraction of human being that has done so in this generation and time era.

I recognize strongly there are a multitudinous amount of philosophies, religions, and other forms of belief systems exist. However what they all have in common, relation, and at the foundation are what the golden, silver, and platinum rule ATTEMPT to allow. No more attempts, let's figure out what is preventing us with allowing every human on this planet, God. Why we must deny God to a child - by chance vs. determination - being born in S. Africa... Why her? Possibly has a brain of Einstein potential, dying of a stray bullet from militant violence... I cannot be fully happy as a human being when I know this is a story that is on repeat. I regain my euphoria by writing these words to you, anyone reading what I have to say. These aren't just my words, but a collection of words and ideas from various philosophers all over the world in history... A lesson of how, what, and how not to think are in history and can be adapted to be in our terms today; many philosopher cultures do just that.