Between my close family, closest friends and myself we all have agreed that there are problems and Real Problems.
A Real Problem is a divorce with a spiteful wife that wants full custody and the house. A Real Problem is losing your house because you can't make the mortgage. Going bankrupt because your credit is unrecoverable. Not having money to feed your family - or just your family and not yourself. A mental disorder that is effecting normalcy. Being financially poor and homeless. Can't find a job after months of intense searching. Obesity related health issues. Young adult taking care of younger brothers and/or sisters. Family's racist but love the other race anyways. Abusive parents or spouse. Do not love the arranged partner for you. Lack of personal reflection leading to anger and violence. Strong alcoholism. Fear of rape; experiences and/or frequency of sexual abuse.
Any issue that involve more than a mentality shift but some form of effort, strain, stress and/or physical shift, are examples of Real Problems. Situations beyond a personality adjustment (while always useful) to resolve the problem, and requires a series of actions that exploit the current situation for the better of oneself. Exploit is necessary to say; need to find the soft/weak areas and strengthen, conquer, and/or just remove them from the situation until the problem finds resolution (or gets closer to a resolution). If the problem is something a little, or a lot, of self reflection can resolve - it's not real.
Example: If you are under 25 years old (most likely) your boyfriend/girlfriend problems are not real. Easily resolved with open communication or separation. There are billions of fish in this ocean. S/he cheated on you and your heartbroken for years? Not a real problem. You're the problem. If there was a supercomputer built tomorrow and instructed to map out the instructions for resolving all the worlds problems ... Hungry people and diseases and pollution - are way higher on the list. Much higher than love disputes of the young.. Move on. Time heals all wounds. Forgive but never forget.
Exception: If the significant other is abusive – get a restraining order, move away, shut them out, etc. An abusive boyfriend/girlfriend is a real problem, but an easier one to solve (usually).
Example2: Those adults with whom experience a mid-life crisis... Try exploring what you always wanted to explore, while being open to others (especially close friends) about it. It's when we bottle up we make terrible decisions. And finding balance is not just an internal thing. Our friends (and all people) are external and involved with your inner self. A mid-life crisis is not a Real Problem. Nor are *most* of the issues that follow. Usually any issue illuminated during a mid life crisis had a small part in the bottling up; if Jung is considered, it's the lack of balancing (seeking our shadow) that tips the scale too far and causes anxious disorder in our psyche in life (the mid life crisis). And if you so happen to make Real Problems from your mid-life crisis, well, sorry.
You do not have to be 45 to experience a "mid life" crisis. But the idea is the same - most "crisis" are not real problems. Because exploring of the self is a possible cure. If not? Extra meditation is needed. No time? I guess there is really no crisis then.
For myself: besides an outstanding college debt - in which I'm fortunate to have a supporting father and mother help me pay for - I, as your critical author, have no Real Problems. A hefty debt is something of a real problem - the severity ranges from mild to harsh; borrowing from friends and family then having them disappointed in you, to borrowing from a bank then facing legal actions.
Here are some of my problems:
- I'm tormented by the advice of the 'sages' .... "Fuck
everything while young"while still desiring monogamous relationships
- Just starting the challenge of pursuing my goal to build a teaching
career while traveling South East Asia (currently Thailand); the problems exist in where future permanence exist
- Most of my students want to date me...
- I miss my dogs in The States while I am teaching abroad
- The main thing I miss from home is hot water pressure, and
- Hard for me to be aware of all foreign cultures and often
take offense to situations – and - sometimes offend another by
- I enjoy removing my own scabs and can't seem to quit the
- Struggle to find motivation to write more, and as often as I can
- Struggle to find motivation to continue my formal education
- Highly functional psychopathic, yet creative, personality
- Constantly attempt to read people's personalities
- I always have enough to be happy but keep wanting more
anyways; not in a greedy way, but in a way that makes me never feel 'good enough'
- I can't say I have Real Problems
I'm no one to say I am all wise but I would lie if that is not my favorite compliment to receive; "you have an old soul." Nor am I anywhere near being an angel, but I would like to see others be holy and in heaven, even if I need to sink to hell to push them up. I can take a lot of mental angst and anxiety - but I can't stand to think others have it or suffer from it. A burden and personality disorder of my own self doing - I'm not at all surprised by my psychopathic status. Yet, I will take a thousand disorders in my mind to resolve just one: how to bring true happiness to the world (how selfish to think the world is not happy... I know); “What is true happiness?” I doubt when my problems are resolved there will be a lack of new ones. I doubt if I find happiness I will see it and grasp it with ease. I doubt I'll be happier with no problems. No struggles. No anxiety. I don't think people will be better with no stress, I think they will be happier exploring their stress while always reflecting on their self.
Your self is relative and you end up being the final judge on who exactly that self is... Which is a subjective process trying to be objective. So reflecting on it is like swimming in the ocean. You need practice to do better and to not drown when you're in there for a long time. And to be ready for a storm. You get ready by preparing for them - expecting the unexpected. You need to think about how you been slammed up against a rock during a storm, and how it might happen again, while not being afraid of it happening and not thinking it WILL happen. If you never been slammed but seen others get slammed, that's even more important to think about. To learn from their mistakes to better handle the ones you will make.
While my problems are not "real" they represent my personhood, even my personality. Real Problems are better resolved when the personality is bettered by the person driven to improve their self and their situations - and worsened by those not driven; that goes for the aspects or traits of personality (we have all the traits in different variations). Personality and intelligence are interchangeable here - what you know helps you and if you look to learn more you become more in your actions (- applied intelligence). You can learn and be smart but if you're scared to try to succeed you will come up short. If you have a real problem and are actively using the internet to help resolve it, then you are using your mind correctly (being smart) and this is often a personality choice; the self motivation to get the knowledge you need to improve the situations. Not just with internet; social circles, support groups, close friends and friends, etc. Yourself is what you do to be better than yourself. If you are never improving yourself, you're a zombie, you're the living dead - useless but trying to 'use'.
I once googled "how to change the world" - all the quotes, articles, books, blogs, etc. said pretty much the same thing "you have to change yourself first" - well it's true so try to change more, because this world is in trouble.
Identifying real and not-so-real-problems may help a lot of you whom are "stuck in your head" by thinking A. "How do others handle this problem?" And what do they do about it? And B. "Others have it worse" --- in that circuit of reasoning you will find the meaning of peace; others. Peace for self is selfish if no desire to share it.
Aristotle and his secondary happiness; political actions meant to aid and assist others will provide happiness. As there is no real primary happiness - it just depends on the individual. But we all want it. Even the serial killer is looking out for his/her own interest - a staple for happiness; the selfish self. A degree of selfishness is required but never should one with no real problems be so selfish as to not wan to change the world. And then those with real problems whom still take time to want to make the world a better place, may be stronger than they know.
I don't have Real Problems; I'm privileged. But I'm aware of those privileges and it makes me think I need to take advantage of what is offered to me (at least a little) or else they are wasted. The opportunities given from the degree of privilege you have in life - should be exploited for the good.. What a loose and vague concept that guides my rationale of this paper.
How am I good if I think bad thoughts about small issues and ignore the really bad [bigger issues]? How am I good to myself, and how am I good to those who are not myself?
(You are others - primarily - your happiness depends on the support of the primary)
No real problems? How can I not be happy?
Do you have Real Problems, or just some problems?