Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Genocide of the Ants

I have to admit that when I first started my journey to destroy all ants in my home I made a lot of rookie mistakes in my approach to bring total annihilation to the ants which were eating my peanut butter.

During my time teaching in Indonesia the school I worked for provided me housing accommodation. It was a very nice home.....

At the beginning I kept my kitchen clean. Ants didn't seem to bother me really. They seemed to wonder around looking, but failed to find anything because of my cleaning habits. Until one day I bought peanut butter... I opened it, and mixed it with jelly, and placed in on top of the refrigerator and went on to my room to relax on my computer.  I came back down not two hours later and saw the tragedy.

The ants had attacked the lid of my peanut butter, my sweet sweet Morin. I followed the line of ants up the stairs. And all the way up the stairs to the top floor near the roof top door (not shown). There were dirt mounds which they had colonized. What to do to stop this? The first solution was not the best.

I began my novice attempts at killing ants with tape, packaging tape. I would wrap it around my hand, sticky side out, and just grab as many as I possibly could. Accounting for the dust and dirt I was picking up... Couldn't get enough tape. I must of used an entire roll before I considered how it was hopeless to eliminate this many. I decided to go chemical in this warfare.

In the supermarket I bought the Indonesian brand of Raid, insect killer, and made sure it has a picture of ants on it.  I needed the visual assurance.  I bought two cans to dual wield. These ants were destined to die by an avid gamer.

Keeping the peanut butter available, stupid ants, so the line of ants would not fade, I was ready to begin my attack.

The preparation for this battle was covering my skin completely with clothes.  And wrapping my hair and face, to limit inhalation.  I began from the source, the top of the stairs.  And sprayed with a ferocious like no other conqueror in history. AS though my super power were producing a cloud of poison that killed any who breathed it. A true killers mind.

After the stairs and corners leading up to the roof were taken care of, I took a break and went out to get some fresh air.

Upon my return I inspect my kitchen. The fuckers had reinforcements... And they went after my knife with peanut butter residue on it.  This was intolerable, unacceptable, my rage increased.  The kitchen was the next battle zone.

Putting on my armor and it began, again. I aimed at the corners, underneath the counters, and the floors... Nothing would be left after I was finish... I would have to clean the smell later. I was prepared to having to pay for the war crimes, but not prepared to the causalities beneath the sink.

I sprayed the Indo-Raid under my sink, I mean not just beneath but on the bottom of the sink itself, and what I thought was just dust build up that fell down. It was no dust!  It turned out to be a million ants... In one fair motion, millions were dead... Shouldn't of fucked with my peanut butter bitches. The big colony was down, mission accomplished, we can stay home.

While leaving the doors and windows open I went out and got fresh air, and with my chest was puffed out I breathed the air that bounced off it. Came home and mopped the floors and stairs, whipped down the counters, refrigerator, and everything I could think of I would touch with food or my hands. The day was won, I had achieved my goal to revenge my beloved Morin.

The next day I went shopping for food and bought a food container for future threat prevention.
I rewarded myself with another peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Tossed the dirty knife into the sink, enjoyed my much deserved meal and went to watch my TV series; Vikings.
I napped. But, little did I come to realize, the war was far from over...

I came down stairs to the sink to see another line of ants. I followed them to their source with the rage of a thousand suns.

To my foolishness I discovered only some of the ants were going up the stairs, while others were heading behind the laundry machine next to the stairs (see above).  They were going under the stairs (not shown). There were pillows and various household items stored underneath the stairs.  I opened the screen door and shined a light inside to.... to... the horror.  

Hundreds of millions of ants were occupying this crawl space. Had Harry Potter slept here no magic could prevent him from a slow death. So, for the sack of the future wizard that may sleep here... and for the future of humanity... I ran to weapons of death and armor.

Getting a better look... there were also a series of spiders that had joined the ecosystem beneath my stairs.  Causalities of war.  But, my reserves were low, my cans felt less than half full. I must use all the remaining ammunition left.

I sprayed, and sprayed non-stop until the cans were empty. The aftermath.. was a blissful tragedy. The pile of ants that had been moving on the walls were not in a pile against the wall.   Not taking chances I cleaned out the crawl space... Nothing. I looked under and behind all the furniture ... Nothing.

The war was over... nearly a billion ants dead, and not a fuck given.

No comments:

Post a Comment